This theory consists of two individuals who are not willing to share real information about themselves to form a real friendship, but they are both seeking a real connection with someone exactly like them to be understood at the same time.
I cannot believe it took me so long (10 minutes) to write the simplest explanation of my theory.
Think of two people that are exactly the same, say they are both introverted, quiet, thoughtful, they are both high school students, they do not have any friends, they both have suffered and been through a lot: depression, anxiety, a toxic group of friends, bad parents. Both hide it, they have not talked to anyone about it or shown what they feel in any way. These two individuals learned to not say anything, to not talk about emotions or the past, because that might be dangerous or expose too much about them. At the same time, they both thought about society, whether they are wrong or not, whether blaming society for all of this is a good point or not. Most importantly, they both thought hiding was the best option for them, not showing their real interests publicly, not sharing their real hobbies, and instead camouflaging with the typical answers society would say. Say both of them code as a hobby. If someone asks for their hobbies they would say something typical like "I don't do much, I scroll all day through social media" Whether it is a lie or something not too personal about them, they do not care, they are hiding themselves and what they are, they are both afraid that society might criticize them or find them weird, which would lead to being excluded or bullied. Even though these two individuals are introverted and have no friends, they try to seek entertainment in school (this can apply to any physical social setting) to pass the time and get home sooner, since, once again, they are both introverts and prefer to spend time alone to socially recharge, even though they are looking for the connection of having someone like them, not to socially recharge, but to be understood, or even loved.
This example is focused on modern society, where every teen tries to "fit in" and every other not similar individual gets excluded or receives unfair social disadvantages for "not being too normal". These two teens are aware of this, that if they are too quiet, or too loud, they might mess up. They both know they keep a low profile at school to not get too close to anyone, even if that means actively rejecting or avoiding specific "wanna be friends" people. Both occasionally talk, when required (either to not be excluded or to "seem just like everyone else, just quiet"), they will not waste their social fuel in moments that are not worth it for this kind of social circus.
(They do not get too close to anyone because they both have been hurt before, leaving a permanent wound on both of their minds)
These two individuals have been studying society's behavior for so long, questioning everyone's principles and rules, questioning why everyone is the way it is and why no one can really be a "real" self.
Let's say that these two individuals get really really lucky and meet each other...
Say they are somehow in each other's path while walking at school (both being new and not knowing anyone), they avoid each other, and well yes, it is obvious, who would not do that if you do not know someone? But it gets even worse. Imagine they both end up in the same team for a school activity, and they have to select a topic, they would both choose a random or common topic, not one that shows each other's real interests, all of these while both thinking that their teammate is a really typical teen person and knowing they themselves are lying to their teammate. Now imagine that by a weird chance they end up talking to each other both trying to get entertainment, at this point they probably ended up talking to each other because they both thought "seems quiet, inoffensive, can't harm me", the problem here is that everything will be fake, their smiles, their stories, their interests, their hobbies, whatever they talk about is more likely to not be something real about themselves or at least something real that does not have a lot of relevance about each individual.
So, we can conclude that a cycle of entertainment would be formed between these two individuals, but not a real, deep, friendship, while both do not know that each other's personas is fake, and they are in the exact same place as the other one, both are lying, avoiding, hiding, and also experiencing the same feelings, their fears, their wounds, their pain, their thoughts. At the exact same time, both want authentic connection, a real deep friendship, at least with someone who might be in a really similar case to theirs, they wish to be understood, to not be the only ones suffering and stuck in this kind of hell, because each individual thinks that, they think that they are the only ones. The two of them think that no person like them could possibly exist, and even if it did, the chances to meet that person would be extremely low.
How do you deal with such a cycle of meeting someone almost identical to you (while not knowing it) who is willing to make a deep friendship, but at the same time, not sharing enough, or at least sharing nothing meaningful on purpose.
It's like these two individuals want to fit in with each other, without getting too close. An infinite loop begins.
I came to the conclusion that this paradox has only one solution: mistakes. Accidental mistakes.
But first of all, the chances of this happening are extremely low, especially in the kind of scenario I have described. I will explain the possible solution.
If these individuals are at the right moment, a sensible, vulnerable, serious moment, they could accidentally reveal something real (or meaningful) about themselves. Of course we would not expect that to happen, but it could happen, especially by accident, when both of their guards are down, at the exact same time.
Say these two individuals are totally convinced that the other is an inoffensive, normal person who is not hiding anything, so they create this kind of fake friendship, just to get entertainment from each other. But let's say that the first individual asks something deep, and real, coming from his real self, and then, by mistake, the second individual says too much about himself. It could be something like this:
Person 1: Isn't society too harsh with anyone nowadays?
Person 2: Yes it is, and I hate it. I've never liked the way society has treated people, excluding people by being different and trying to consume people to behave and be the same. Society clearly doesn't accept or want authenticity.
That could be the beginning of something real and meaningful if the conversation keeps going and both individuals keep being real about their thoughts, with what they feel and what they say, they could maybe break the paradox.
It would take some simple mistakes to break it, whether it is saying too much, or being too real and honest to each other. While it might sound really easy, we would need the exact right moment for these individuals to open enough to realize it, if both individuals are not at the exact right moment, the conversation might fade away, and nothing meaningful would happen afterwards, the entertainment (or fake friendship) would just keep going, like this:
Person 1: Yeah, everyone is like this nowadays. Want to talk about topic A? I heard that . . . *starts talking about topic*
Person 2: Nice! Yeah, topic A is pretty cool, I've heard about it *starts worrying that too much was shared, so quickly supports the idea of changing the topic and acts like nothing meaningful was shared*
As you can see, person 1 probably did not even care, but he is aware of what person 2 said and that he has the same opinion, but he did not feel comfortable to share the same thought that person 2 has about society, because person 1 thinks that would say too much about him. Which means that person 1 was not in the right moment, but person 2 was. Person 1 dissolves the thought by changing the topic, on purpose, of course. Person 2 is now nervous, thinking that he might have said too much, so he quickly changes the topic with person 1.
This is probably why the paradox is so hard to break in the first place, mistakes can exist and happen, but the difficult thing is having the perfect opportunity where both make the meaningful mistake of being too open or honest, at the exact same time.
Now let's imagine another scenario, where luckily, person 1 was in the same state as person 2 when he gave his opinion about society, and person 1 replies with honesty:
Person 1: Yeah, everyone is like this nowadays. I actually think the same as you, society forces change on people in a really unfair way and no one deserves that honestly. Different people don't get accepted easily, everyone would prefer copying each other instead of being their real self, like imitating a violent behavior if everyone has it, instead of being kind, even if it is different, most people would just prefer to copy what the rest do, and even without questioning it.
Person 2: I agree, most people would just follow the crowd and blend in, only a few are actually authentic, it's like everyone is playing a kind of game, and everyone is influencing more people to play the game, which leads to a cycle where more people play the game and more people attract more people to it.
And let's say that person 1 and 2 keep talking and being honest for the rest of the conversation, and say they somehow end here, where person 2 tells person 1 their own struggles, person 1 replies:
Person 1: I am speechless ...I have been through all of that too, and it hurts, it really does... I've felt that too, and it is horrible.
At this point, both would recognize they have been through the same problems, leaving a permanent mark on how they see each other, while both think that maybe, just maybe, the other person could be the one that gets each other. So let's say they keep talking, more and more, with the same tone of honesty, and they eventually confess they have been lying to everyone they know because they are afraid of society, and then, they realize they both think and act the exact same way.
As much as I would like to create the fictional script of how that would happen, I honestly cannot imagine it, but I think you got the picture.
Now they both would have realized they are the same personality, the same kind of person they were looking for, and they found it.
It is honestly really hard to imagine how they would end up at that part of knowing each other's real selves, but without any doubt, with the right mistakes, and enough luck, it could happen.
There are infinite possibilities about how this could happen and could not happen. There is an infinite amount of mistakes that could happen that could break the paradox, but there is an infinite amount of mistakes that could happen just to be dissolved by the other person that was not in the same state at that specific time.
In conclusion, if two individuals are looking for someone exactly like them, someone who is not willing to share real information to hide their real self, the chances of them meeting or knowing each other's real selves is extremely unlikely, perhaps almost impossible?
I honestly realized I am trapped in this paradox and it is extremely frustrating, but that is okay, and I am fine. I would like someone exactly like me to comprehend me, someone who has been through the same stuff, someone who has lied in real life to everyone just to not be excluded. It is painful to know I will probably not know that person. Either because my trust in people is really low, and logically, my exact clone also would not trust anyone, so it is an infinite paradox that never ends at this point honestly. Only an extremely lucky mistake would break it.
You might wonder: well then, why not break the paradox yourself? can't you change your personality? can't you just socially adapt? can't you just change? touch some grass, you are probably thinking.
The thing here is that, if I did any of those, the paradox would not even exist anymore in the first place, because I would not be me, I would now be someone who I am not, the paradox wouldn't be solved, the paradox would just fade away and stop existing.
I did not use AI for the creation of the content of this website, the theory and everything I have said or written on this page was written by me, a human being made by flesh and blood.
It is quite interesting to think the infinite possibilities of how the paradox could be broken, but it is more interesting to think about the possibilities of how it will not be broken and it will repeat itself infinitely. Someone should write about it.
Dear internet stranger, thank you for reading, email me for any inquiries or questions, if you are going to use the content of this website for any kind of work, all I ask for is to credit this website.
Perhaps somewhere in the world, there is another person who also realized all of this, who also realized they were trapped in this paradox, just like me.
Email: 21thinker@proton.me
Published date: August 24, 2025